As I sit here thinking about my life, I realize how much I am truly blessed. It seems as though I have been throwing myself a pity party questioning myself at every turn. Everything is going pretty well with us, but it seems as though I am letting Satan get to me and dwell on things that are not so wonderful. I am a perfectionist. That does not mean that I am highly organized, it just means I demand a lot from myself.
So, lately all I have been doing is harping on the things I feel are not up to par, which is perfection. It seems as though sometimes I look around and the cat and dog hair is rolling across a floor that I just cleaned, every toy in the playroom is dumped out right after I finished organizing it all, my darling children are fighting each other again, and it seems as though I just about had enough!! I work so hard for things to go smoothly!! Just when I was about to loose it God threw a rock at me and told me to wake up!! You are not perfect, Stacie, why do you feel you have to strive for something that is not possible to attain? Oh yea, I forgot Lord, there is only one perfect person who has ever walked the earth, your son. Well, I have been hit with the rock and I am awake now, Lord. I can't do it all, I need Him all the time. Not just when there is tragedy in my life, but for the everyday little things that He cares about too, because I care about them. When things are going well in my life it is when it seems that Satan finds my insecurities and plays on them. He knows where it will hurt the most and he goes straight for that spot. I desire to be an amazing wife and mother, that is my passion, and that is where the attack hits. I am not saying that the dog hair tumble weeds across the floor are going to disappear, but maybe if I rely on Him to not let it bother me then I could spend the time continuing to play with the kids instead of sweeping 7 to 8 times a day! Then look back at the end of the day and be proud of myself for what I have accomplished sweet precious memories with my children. Now, I am not looking for an excuse to completely stop taking care of the house I will just save it all for the end of the day:)!
The past week or so I have heard of so many others going through truly difficult things, loss of a child, others battling for their lives, etc. My friend, Shawna's good friend, Tara, had a stroke while pregnant. She has endured 2 brain surgeries and her daughter was taken and weighed a little over 1 pound. Shawna says the baby is breathing on her own and fighting everyday to get stronger. Then here I am crying because a house I just cleaned, to show my husband that I can do it all, is a disaster! Trust me, I know I have a right to be frustrated, but doubting my worth that is just ridiculous! Satan is a powerful being and I guess I forget, because my God is stronger! Satan wants us to underestimate him. It is easier for him to bring us down that way. Instead of sulking I should be thanking God at every turn that I am blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me so much, healthy children who bring so much life into our home, and a God who loves me the same day after day no matter how silly I act. He loves me no more and no less! WOW! That is truly amazing, because there are many days that I am very hard to love. I just want to encourage you all to think of the blessings in your life and not the things you wish were better. I believe that when you focus on all the gifts you receive every day then the other things wouldn't seem so bad.
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:28-29
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
God has truly given me many gifts. He has sent me a new friend that I cherish very much. God's hand is upon her and He has brought her into my life to help me focus on what God wants for me. She sent me an email with the words to a song that she encouraged me to just read. It is exactly what God wanted me to hear to wake me up! I wanted to share them with you and personally say thank you to Michelle for being my spiritual sister!
"East To West"
Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me
Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other
I am praying for all of you that you receive peace tonight. I know how wonderful it feels to find it. "Lord, thank you for bringing me peace tonight. I love you."
So, lately all I have been doing is harping on the things I feel are not up to par, which is perfection. It seems as though sometimes I look around and the cat and dog hair is rolling across a floor that I just cleaned, every toy in the playroom is dumped out right after I finished organizing it all, my darling children are fighting each other again, and it seems as though I just about had enough!! I work so hard for things to go smoothly!! Just when I was about to loose it God threw a rock at me and told me to wake up!! You are not perfect, Stacie, why do you feel you have to strive for something that is not possible to attain? Oh yea, I forgot Lord, there is only one perfect person who has ever walked the earth, your son. Well, I have been hit with the rock and I am awake now, Lord. I can't do it all, I need Him all the time. Not just when there is tragedy in my life, but for the everyday little things that He cares about too, because I care about them. When things are going well in my life it is when it seems that Satan finds my insecurities and plays on them. He knows where it will hurt the most and he goes straight for that spot. I desire to be an amazing wife and mother, that is my passion, and that is where the attack hits. I am not saying that the dog hair tumble weeds across the floor are going to disappear, but maybe if I rely on Him to not let it bother me then I could spend the time continuing to play with the kids instead of sweeping 7 to 8 times a day! Then look back at the end of the day and be proud of myself for what I have accomplished sweet precious memories with my children. Now, I am not looking for an excuse to completely stop taking care of the house I will just save it all for the end of the day:)!
The past week or so I have heard of so many others going through truly difficult things, loss of a child, others battling for their lives, etc. My friend, Shawna's good friend, Tara, had a stroke while pregnant. She has endured 2 brain surgeries and her daughter was taken and weighed a little over 1 pound. Shawna says the baby is breathing on her own and fighting everyday to get stronger. Then here I am crying because a house I just cleaned, to show my husband that I can do it all, is a disaster! Trust me, I know I have a right to be frustrated, but doubting my worth that is just ridiculous! Satan is a powerful being and I guess I forget, because my God is stronger! Satan wants us to underestimate him. It is easier for him to bring us down that way. Instead of sulking I should be thanking God at every turn that I am blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me so much, healthy children who bring so much life into our home, and a God who loves me the same day after day no matter how silly I act. He loves me no more and no less! WOW! That is truly amazing, because there are many days that I am very hard to love. I just want to encourage you all to think of the blessings in your life and not the things you wish were better. I believe that when you focus on all the gifts you receive every day then the other things wouldn't seem so bad.
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:28-29
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
God has truly given me many gifts. He has sent me a new friend that I cherish very much. God's hand is upon her and He has brought her into my life to help me focus on what God wants for me. She sent me an email with the words to a song that she encouraged me to just read. It is exactly what God wanted me to hear to wake me up! I wanted to share them with you and personally say thank you to Michelle for being my spiritual sister!
"East To West"
Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me
Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other
I am praying for all of you that you receive peace tonight. I know how wonderful it feels to find it. "Lord, thank you for bringing me peace tonight. I love you."
2 comments:
What a wonderful blog & inspiration. Thanks Stacie
Hey girl..I am so glad to walk alongside you through ups and downs. I am so glad that God brought you in my life. Being real and upfront with others is what true friendships are about. Without that we are not experiencing the fullness of life God has for us! Thank you for being such a good friend to me through this new phase in my life! (I am glad the song ministered to you....we also sang it in church on Sunday morning and I prayed for both of us right then and there!) See you this week!
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